This morning, i cried. I took her to the kupat holim physiotherapy place. SHe had had someone coming 2X a week to our place, but all he could do was give her simple exercises, and he suggested that taking her to a clinic would be better and they'd have better amenities. So I did. She walks so slowly, really for no reason, because when i draw her attention to it, she will speed up. But it seems like she is just enjoying playing the poor little old woman. Like dh says, what's so hard about making a cup of coffee, but she just wants to be served. But she will get served into being a vegetable, is she doesn't start doing things for herself.
Anyways, they called us in, and she started shuffling her way in (think Tim Conway, in the Carol Burnett show!) One of the therapists (who I know from my visits) took me aside and told me that she thought i shouldn't be bringing her here. But i think otherwise. I think she needs to get out, and to learn that she has to try.
Anyways, we got into the booth with Mahmoud, the therapist, and he asked my mom to lie on her stomach, so he could check her back. My mom said she has NEVER lain on her stomach. Never? Can someone have NEVER ever lain on one's stomach? Can a person be so out of touch with their body?
All this got to be too much for me, and i started to "leak." It is too much for me. I resent it all. I resent being turned into a servant, because i resent that she isn't trying. She doesn't do the simplest exercises that she has to do, and that i beg her to do daily. She won't do them "by herself", yet every time I come to do them with her, she has some excuse. She is just not taking responsibility for herself.
So when she asked me why I was crying (meanwhile, Mahmoud ran off to get me tissues and a glass of water), I started to tell her exactly what I thought, and that she has to take responsiblity, and that by asking to be served, she is just turning herself into a vegetable. Well, they all say, take into account that she is old. But i see what she refused to do....and she CAN if she would want to.
Tonight it was pill sorting night. Now, I know for a fact that I put her once-weekly alondronate pill in the monday morning compartment. I left her to fill the AFTERNOON compartments for the seven days. When i got home, the alendronate was gone out if its compartment, and I have no way of knowing where it is, cuz i have no other sample of the pill (it was the last in the box) and too many other pills look the same and are white.
Anyways, the pills are in a mess. I thought it was a simple enough job that she could handle....i see this is something else I will have to do myself. (Especially, since i do it in 5 min, and it takes her, with my help, around a half an hour.)
Anyways, I am almost finished my glass of pina colada..(hitting the bottle is this hour's coping mechanism). Hubby is still not home. I am broken up today about his leaving, not to mention how he yelled at me for parking crooked and not giving him space to park. He has been very cranky with me lately. Can't figure out why...maybe he resents that I resent that he is leaving. OK, i resent it.
