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Sometimes, what people say, and they can say things in all innocence, and with no intent to hurt, can really hurt.
I am going to give you two examples, both said by the same friend, and if she is reading this, maybe it will teach her to think a bit before she opens her mouth.
The first thing she said to me, just after my mom passed, was "You're next." Now, I am sure it was in jest, or, perhaps, a profound statement about the cycle of life, but somehow those words ate right into my being and I can't shake them loose. I know I am silly, and I know I am overreacting, but now in my mind's eye, I see myself as an 85-year-old woman. And I know that it is because of that comment. Around one year before my mom died, I remember one morning looking at her and thinking, "Wow, she looks so old all of a sudden." Her facial muscles had relaxed and she looked "pulled down." And this, now, is how I see myself.
Not when I look into a mirror, mind you, because then I see the truth. But in general, I just feel "old."
I am not quite sure how to heal myself of this self-image, but manicures, shopping and exercise are involved!
Today, this very self-same person sent me an email. Subject: Walmart shoppers and what they wear.
Now, as a whole, it was a whole bunch of "amusing" photos of how some American folk look when they are shopping at Walmart -- "amusing" if you're not eating at the moment, because you might end up puking into your granola. Muffin tops and tight pants on large-size women abound.
It could have been quite harmless, except that she prefaced the photo collection with a personal note that said "Thought you could relate to this."
So, as I peruse the photos, I am wondering at each one, "which one, exactly is the most 'me'?" Or, is she implying that I am basically the "frugal" Walmart shopper type? I don't know exactly, but all I can say is that this didn't improve my day!
I looked around for a link to the "album" she sent, and didn't find it (yet), but you can get the idea from this
Luckily enough, she sent this to a number of friends. So at least I am in good (?) company.
Now don't go telling me to "snap out of it." I know that. It doesn't help.
I am sure that these very self-same comments could be addressed to other people without "self image" or "mortality" problems, and the remarks wouldn't cause even a glimmer of angst. However, they, unfortunately, did pushy MY buttons. I will rephrase it better, as so eloquently put by elgan : "...thoughtless behaviour without malicious intent, but which really does hurt. It makes you wonder if people really do think of the consequences of their actions."
Grrrrr!
